psa

Friday, October 5, 2012

It only hurts when I'm breathing...

I understand why things had to happen this way, I understand why he is causing me this pain. But the mere understanding does not chase away the hurt. The feeling is there, regardless of it being the right thing. They say that many times, what is best for us, also hurts the most. But they also say that pain is our body letting us know something is very wrong. So which is it? Am I experiencing this pain because my body wants to let me know that it's not ok and that it shouldn't be happening? A possible sign that him no longer being in my life is a bad thing?

But I know that isn't the case. I know, deep down, that this is for the best. For an entire year I have been putting off the inevitable. I knew that what we had shared, regardless of how right it felt, was only temporary. Unfortunately, many times, we meet the right people at the wrong time. The timing wasn't there, that ship had sailed, and I knew that from the start - in fact, we both did. But at the end of the day, the thought of stopping hurt worse than the thought of continuing on in a fantasy world.

Finally, the fantasy world is coming to an end and reality has fallen on top me like a ton of bricks. But what hurts even more than knowing we will miss out on each others lives, is knowing that one day, eventually, I will rarely enter his mind. There will come a time he will no longer be in love with me. Me, on the other hand? I will always be in love with him. And well........that. fucking. sucks.