For the first time in my life, I had finally felt desire. Desire was a feeling I thought I had become familiar with in my past, always longing for monetary items, or to simply be somebody that I was not. But this desire was nothing like envy. This desire was something that, for once in my life, was not because I wanted to fill a void. This was not a superficial desire in any shape or form. This was a desire unlike anything I had ever felt before. An overwhelming need that overtook every cell in my body, every fiber of my being. There was no fighting it, no matter how hard I tried to push this feeling aside. It seemed as if the harder I fought this feeling, the harder it slammed into me, like a tidal wave during a hurricane, causing me to lose my footing, no matter how snug my feet felt in the sand.
This tidal wave of desire not only knocked me over, but it swept me up and carried me into a sea of confusion. On one hand, I was happy to be in an ocean I had never been in before, but because of this, I was unable to swim. I was not prepared, I had no paddle boat, no life jacket. The only thing that would keep me afloat was the one thing I was not able to have, so I slowly began to drown. I know I must swim back to land, where it is safe, but if I do, the excitement of the sea will no longer be with me. Just when the waters seem calm enough to swim back and save myself, the storm rolls in and the current sweeps me back under again.
As exhilarating as these waters can be, I know I must learn to swim against the current if I ever have a chance of making it out alive. Once I make it back to land, I will be grateful that I finally had a real taste of the ocean. Next time I venture into the water, I will make sure I am not alone.
