psa

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you.

So today has been kind of a emotional roller coaster. I have experienced every single emotion in the book today, it's been kinda strange. I was really angry when I woke up because I just couldn't seem to sleep for the life of me and my cat was irritating me. Then I was really happy because after months of being ignored by a friend, I finally got in contact with him and kind of feel like I have closure now. The happiness only lasted for about 2 minutes, which then quickly turned to sadness because I learned the reasons as to why he stopped talking to me..and I felt like an asshole for not even realizing that I was hurting him. Cool. But at least we are civil now...it's just a bummer that I will probably never get to talk to him again. but I guess that happens sometimes..It's just really nice to have closure.

I feel relieved because it adds peace to my life, because even though I rarely ever have enemies, I really hate having pent up anger towards anyone. It's something that carries with me forever and I notice that I always have dreams about the person I have pent up anger with. It's like I have so much I want to say to that person and I dream about being able to finally say it..and it feels great. But then i wake up and realize it was a dream and I go back to being angry. it's a vicious cycle. Like I said, there is really only one or two people in my life I have this issue with, but I just want to let it go. They are not worth my time and I would much rather dream about more exhilarating things. I know for damn sure they don't dream about me or even think about me, so why must I hold on to it? Why must I let myself care about someone who doesn't care about me? Rule in life: Never make someone a priority, who only makes you an option.

Anyways, so i was kinda bummed out all day because of that situation, and then I looked at my bank account and about broke down into tears because my money is disappearing so fast and it's all gone to bills. It's not like I've been irresponsible and bought myself all kinds of goodies, so at least I can say that. Even though I have a job now, it's not going to be very many hours. Like I said in a previous entry, my dad says I need to pay all of my bills from now on. That's AT LEAST 600 a month (thats IF i only eat like..once a day)...So after doing the math of how many hours I will be getting a week, I started having a panic attack basically when I realized there is no effing way I will be able to do this while I am going to school full time. I would have to get a 2nd job. So I called my mom in desperation and thank god she offered to loan me 200 dollars every month until summer to at least help with my rent portion of the bills. So between my moms money and my job, I *might* be able to make enough. And I tell ya, I couldn't be happier. She is amazing and a lot more understanding than my father. I know he is trying to teach me responsibility, and once I graduate college and get a job, I don't believe they ever have any obligation to help me pay my bills. but right now I need them, and I am so thankful for my mom for doing this. She even said she'd send me an extra 100 next month because the only pair of jeans I have are ripping and I can't even afford pants.

So anyway, now I am very relieved, but still sad about this days previous events. and bummed that I'm still sick and this weekend has been a complete bore. Maybe I'm just PMSing haha..but goodnesss...way too much emotion going on right about now. I'd say overall I am doing pretty good now knowing that I can pay my bills. I even signed up for about 5 websites that pay you to take surveys haha. I'm gonna find a way to make it by. :) If anyone has any other tips on making little bits of money here and there on the internet..let me know. every cent counts!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

First day

So, I have caved in and decided to finally get a blogger. I figured I might feel more compelled to write blogs on a snazzy little website like this, rather than myspace. I don't know, something about myspace blog bugs me. I probably would get 10x more readers on my myspace blog, since most people I am friends with don't have a a blogger, but oh well. I just feel like sharing my thoughts with the world, and even if that means I am the only one that ends up reading them, then that's ok :) It would be nice to pick up some followers along the way, so maybe I can catch your interest.