psa

Saturday, December 29, 2012

There is more to life than simply increasing its speed.

Well, believe it or not, as of this month, it has now been THREE years since I graduated from college and moved back to Texas. How this is possible, I am still not sure! So much has happened since then, but at the same time, it seems like just yesterday I was cramming for my last finals and stressing about the move. And as crazy as it sounds, I feel like I have developed/changed more in these 3 years than I did the first 23 years before that.

I will start by saying that I have not changed the core of Sarah, which will always be a very open, fun loving and quirky person. There are things about me, just like anyone else, that will never change. and I will never change to an unrecognizable me, but the changes I have gone through have shaped me into a full blown and independent woman in so many ways. I have become strong, and most importantly, I am finally learning how to love myself the way I deserve.

My biggest problem my entire life has been basing my self worth on someone elses opinion on me. And I don't just mean family/friends, I mean ANYONE. A complete stranger could have a bad first impression of me, tell me about it, and I suddenly felt as if the way they viewed me was the truth. But over the last year, a LOT of negative and hurtful things have been done to me, I have realized just how damaging it can be to let these situations or people define me. I am realizing that you are the ONLY person that can decide the truth of who you really are. How others perceive you is completely out of your control, so why worry?!

Making a great impression on people is important when it comes to making friends, landing jobs, etc. But there is only so much you can do, because people will still form their own opinions based on many things that may be out of your control. And at the end of the day, someone you barely know, does it matter what they think? If someone sees me as a girl worth just fucking and nothing more, does that mean its true? No. I am more than that.  But it's so easy to let someone treating you badly make you feel as if you deserve it, since that is how they perceived you. You must have done something to make them think that, right? NO. That's their own blindess, not yours. Just like if a guy rapes a woman, but she was wearing suggestive clothing and was flirting with him all night. Does that mean it's her fault? Absolutely not. A man may perceive a woman as easy because of how she dresses or flirts, but does that mean she up for anyones grab? Hell no. I could go on all day, really. But these are all just examples of how easy it is to let someone elses poor decision/action reflect upon how you see yourself. You can control how you present yourself, but you cannot control what others choose to see.

So as 2013 approaches, I continue to reflect on the person I have become over the last few years, all the things I have gone through to make me the strong person that I have become. It's so cliche, but without all the terrible things that have happened to me, I wouldn't be learning what I am now. I am going to be me, live my life, and if you don't like it...your loss.

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